then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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