Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
