Are we in a gay sports bar?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
