Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
