And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
