Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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