'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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