I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
