She said her name was "party"
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
