I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
