I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
