just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
