he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
