So drunk its hurt
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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