Need sex. Gaining weight.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
