I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
if only i could text you this smell
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
