if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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