Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
