Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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