So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
