please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
