Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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