so let's talk penis.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
