why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
