how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
