It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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