Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
