'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
