she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize