Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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