It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
