I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
