i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
