she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
