meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
