remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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