Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize