After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
