My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He passed out mid-signature
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My penis needs a shock collar
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
