This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
