i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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