I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
