just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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