He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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