am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize