i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
