this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
