It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
