dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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