HIV tests are more positive than that guy
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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