I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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