I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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