He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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