Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
