so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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