Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
