so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
