You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize