We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
