Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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