Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Four minutes until I can fart!
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
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