doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
