she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
