I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
