whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
