Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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