So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
