I'm really into asian looking animals
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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