Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i was born a porn star she said
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
