my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
