yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize