I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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