I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
