WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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