True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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