just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
