OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
