I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
