why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
