U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
