if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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