your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
