i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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