I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
false alarm. still invincible.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Don't tell me you're on acid again
soo... how was my night?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
