All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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