Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
