I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
