One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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