What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
