look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
