Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
