So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
