Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
