You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
