We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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