I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
