Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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