We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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