shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My vagina is officially offended.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
