I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Someone signed my nipple.
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