I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
