I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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